When we think about romantic relationships there are many myths that are propagated by friends, society, media, well meaning parents and maybe not so well meaning ones…lol… Here are just some of the myths that abound:
1. You have to work at a relationship to make it last
2. The passionate beginning doesn’t last and then it becomes real and you shouldn’t expect it to be as passionate
3. You have to make your desires crystal clear to your partner if you are to get what you want
4. Longevity is a measure of success in a relationship
5. Ending a relationship is a failure and you made a mistake
6. You are a victim if the other person did something “wrong”
7. You have to put the other person’s needs before yours to make it work and last
8. Children do better when their parents are together
9. You can’t do what you want when you are in a relationship
10. Without a commitment it is not as meaningful or deep
I am sure there are many more erroneous assumptions and specific ones for different groups of people that I may have missed and I am interested in hearing and addressing any belief you may have about relationships that you think is true.
First there are an infinite number of ways relationships can work and each unique individual gets to chose unless they gave their power away to everyone else’s opinions and are living in fear. The idea of marriage associated with romantic love is actually fairly new. There was always romantic love but most times it was outside the institution of marriage. Many marriages in the past, and still today, were arranged and it was more about economics than anything else. People, men and women, found what they were missing on the side and still do. I am not saying this is right or wrong but rather no one person gets to choose for another. In addition, we didn’t live nearly as long in the past so marriages were usually shorter by death of a spouse than they are today. The divorce rate is somewhere around 50% at this time but there are also fewer people getting married and many waiting until much later in life but I do not give credence to statistics anyway….unless they serve my purposes…lol…and that is what statistics are usually about, serving someone’s purpose. That is another discussion all together…lol
So what happens with most people, because they have forgotten who they truly are, is that they are drawn to someone in a “romantic” way and in the beginning they are looking for good things, seeing the best of the other and ignoring anything that might be not to their liking, looking for things they can share together and shining a very intense and loving light on this person. Actually that is the way we are meant to live…lol
The lovely and perfect part of this is that you are always a match to the relationship you are drawn to have. It may be that you are a match because you have issues that need to be addressed. Issues of you not being connected with your true magnificent self for that is always the case with “issues”. Maybe you don’t feel worthy or maybe you have judgment or an infinite number of expressions of fear which is because you have forgotten who you truly are; magnificent, unlimited, spectacular and eternal.
The person you are attracted to must also have the same or complementary issues as well…it is always evenly matched. Perfect for an unfolding of great expansion. The problem is that if you become mismatched in your expansion in this short time space reality and hold yourself back from doing what you really want because it has been promoted that ending a relationship is a failure or filled with discomfort, you don’t serve yourself or your partner.
In the beginning you are finding the best thoughts of the other, looking at them through the proverbial “pink glasses” and for a while as you keep that up it is amazing. Then your “issues” come up and you or your partner lets “reality” into the equation. Maybe he/she does or doesn’t do something that you consider important and so you start to turn your attention to that and as you look at this small or glaring faux paz you begin to hold back your love just a little, now it becomes conditional and you are waiting for the other shoe to drop. Your partner subconsciously or consciously (if you had a discussion) now feels diminished and less than and also begins to hold back and mentally, in the least, justifies his or her stance.
This is where the delicious new romantic or honeymoon phase starts to unravel and depending on how fast it unravels and the beliefs and situations of the two people involved, it means the end of the relationship or the settling for less because so many say the honeymoon phase will end and that is just the way it is. “They” also say you can’t have it all so you have to compromise to be in a relationship. All of this is untrue, the honeymoon phase doesn’t have to end, you can have it all and no one has to compromise.
What the honeymoon phase is all about is about flowing the energy of unconditional love which is your truth. What causes it to end is that you hold back and don’t flow it anymore…and the flawed premise that allows that to happen is that you believe you are to get that love from the other person, but really you have to love yourself unconditionally first in order to keep that delicious romantic love alive. In every moment the most amazing part is the love flowing through you and you can only do that if you love yourself first. That allows you to be connected to who you truly are which is infinite love that is limitless and powerful. You don’t need it from another…the paradox is that when you have that connection to who you truly are, you are only experiencing love flowing from others. If they are truly disconnected they don’t show up or go away.
This doesn’t mean that you are meant to just love who you are with unconditionally and stay with them no matter what the circumstances. It means that you are to have it all and if the relationship that you are in is not everything you want after you develop that unconditional flow, then you will be guided out of it or they will leave. It is all in perfect order. If you aren’t in a relationship and want one then begin with loving yourself purely and unconditionally and one or many will come. It also means that you have to get clear about what it is you truly want and you may not want just one relationship or you may just want one that is part time or infinite variations that are available.
It also means that as you experience life and love you may change your mind and that is okay too…you will always be easily guided to what you want and what you want will show up in magical ways. All you have to do is stay in your moments appreciating “all that is”, including yourself, and it will happen. You won’t have to work at it, you won’t have to compromise, you won’t have to put their needs above yours (in fact that is a sure way to diminish both of your lives), you won’t worry about whether it is going to last as when one goes the next will be more to your liking, you will always take responsibility without blame for each experience and expand in beautiful ways, your children will be happier and more apt to live the life they want, and you will realize that a commitment is absolutely a sham for life is an adventure so no one can promise to stay without limiting both of you.
Remember you are magnificent, unlimited, spectacular and eternal…MUSE…and the love that flows through you is amazing…just reconnect to who you truly are and your every moment will be beyond your wildest dreams.
-Delmi
