Could it be possible that the struggle is just to get you to give yourself permission to relax. It is entirely possible to get to exactly where you want to be without effort and struggle. You just have to extract those beliefs that are not founded in truth like “no pain, no gain” and “only the lucky and few make it” and “I am not doing enough” or “I don’t have what it takes” or an infinite number of self fulfilling prophesies and all our thoughts are that. So pick the self fulfilling one that makes you happy and relax. Watch for the evidence of your magnificent ability to create heaven on earth and just keep enjoying each moment of it.